All of your excuses blown out of the water

So, it's the week of Thanksgiving and you haven't yet committed to running in the fastest coach in the state race? We can help!

I've compiled a list of the best excuses I've heard so far and rebutted each excuse in summary fashion. If I somehow missed your excuse, add it to the comments section of the article, and we'll deal with it there.

1. I'm not a coach.

Doesn't matter. Current high school runners will be allowed to run alongside and cajole, criticize, harangue, cattle prod, and otherwise find ways to make their coaches run faster. A separate alumni race is planned for anyone who can still remember when they ran high school cross country but doesn't fall under the category of "coach."

2. I won't win.

Coach, when was the last time you accepted this excuse from your #4 runner?

3. I'm running in a Turkey Trot on Thursday.

So, run with somebody and help them finish the Turkey Trot in their best time ever. Save your race legs for Saturday. This is what we call "training through" for the big event. 

4. There isn't a t-shirt.

For $5, what did you expect? Your money is going to something better than a t-shirt; it's going to Lyons Parks and Rec. They need the money more than you do right now.

5. I'll still be gorged with turkey and stuffing on Saturday morning.

If you run hard enough, that problem is over in a hurry.

6. I haven't run since the citizens race at Nike Cross Regionals.

What do you tell your #4 runner when he wants to take a week off after regionals? Start running.

7. I might miss some of the football game.

You will miss some of the football game. Life doesn't get much better than that! And aren't you the same guy who just complained about how sedentary kids are these days? 

8. Lyons is too far to drive.

Ride with somebody and strike up an hour-long great conversation about--almost anything!

9. I promised my wife I'd go shopping with her.

Black Friday is Friday, dude. This is Saturday. And who goes to brick-and-mortar stores to go shopping these days, anyway? There's a place called amazon-dot-com. Find out about it and show up on Saturday.

10. I'll be the only female coach there.

No, you won't. The Lyons course is three circuits. Go lap a male coach and strike a blow for equality of the sexes.

11. I'm not in racing shape.

And, sitting on your posterior and eating Pop Tarts on Saturday morning is going to help that problem how?

12. I don't look good in spandex.

How did we ever get to this point in our culture? Wear a long singlet, buy a smaller size of spandex, and try not to make any sudden moves that might stress a seam.

 

See you there!

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